01 October 2012

Homesick but not for home...

 

But for me, it does exist.

Today I made the 8-hour drive back to NJ and it was one of the worst car rides ever. Not weather or traffic-wise but emotionally. Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I just think I'm living it in the wrong place. I wish I could just pick everything up and take it there... Beau, my family, my friends, transplant them all.

I won't lie to you guys, I cried. I cried last night thinking about leaving. I cried this morning before leaving. Oh and I bawled when I got home and plopped on my couch.

I do not want to be here.

But how? How do you just pick up your belongings, leaving things you love behind? This is where I grew up. It's all I've known the past 24 years. How do you just... go?

I know it will one day happen and I hope that day is sooner rather than later. God give me the strength to make that leap. To make my life what I want - what I need - it to be.

4 comments:

Elle Sees said...

You'll be ok. Maybe not today, but you will be. Promise.
PS: Had no idea I wasn't following you. Just remedied that!

SEL said...

I'm sorry you're going through this. I try to remind myself that, "This too shall pass." I know, easier said than done. But this is just a little bump in the road on a long journey you get to travel.

xo

Mrs. Newlywed Giggles said...

I also wish I can just up and move out of Jersey... it's hard but you just haveto remember that it may not be suitable now,but in the long run, it will work out to the best. Hang in there sweetie. xoxo

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Girl, I know how you are feeling. I just moved all the way from WV to CA. I had been wanting to move for so long and then I finally was able to do. If it's something you really want, then I say GO FOR IT! Things get easier over time. If their your real friends you'll still get to see them and talk to them.